After a long absence from the blog (due to reality reasons) I thought I would provide a summary of the news in Norway this year, with comments. Let’s start with January through March:
January 1: Hilda Feste, aged 98, is found murdered in her care home in Os in Hordaland – an absolutely grotesque murder. More on that later.
January 9: Danish media conglomerate Egmont buys the rest of Norwegian TV2 – why was this news? Because them damn Danes is takin’ over, for Pete’s sake!
January 11: Minister of Trade and Industry Trond Giske is caught with his hand in the cookie jar. At an informal “conference” at the restaurant Lorry, Giske proudly claimed that the director of the board at phone company Telenor (which is partly state-owned) would be fired if he sold TV2 to Egmont – Yes. In Norway a partly state-owned phone company owns part of the second-largest TV channel in the country. Why do you ask? Anyway, this story then set of a flurry of humor from residents of Oslo – all of whom had suddenly visited Lorry at some point in their lives. Two days later, said board director called a press conference to proclaim “oh no he didn’t!” and all was back to normal.
January 13: New psychiatrists are appointed to create a new report on the mental state of Anders Behring Breivik. The first report had concluded that he was insane, but faced sharp criticism from the public – Why? Because there are approximately five psychiatrists in Norway and the two who were appointed to the first report had very tight connections to each other and to certain people higher up in the system. *sigh* small country, I tell ya.
January 18: The head of the Police Security Service (Norway’s vain attempt at an intelligence service) resigns after revealing that Norway has secret agents in Pakistan. – Well, everybody knew that. It’s just that nobody wanted to hear about it. The Pakistanis were not happy.
February 7: Deputy Leader of the Liberal Party, Helge Solum Larsen, is charged with the rape of a 17 year old girl at a party conference. He resigns as deputy leader. The police later acquit him of all charges – no comment.
February 12: The author turns 18. He spends the day studying math.
February 15: The state railway company (NSB) has bought new trains. One of them derails on a test run. – Shock horror, the train was going too fast. For once in their lives, the directors of the NSB were informed that they had not bought the wrong trains! First time in living memory, probably.
February 16: Former mayoral candidate from the Progress Party, Trond Birkedal, is sentenced to 60 days in prison for filming underage party members in the shower. – Ewwwww.
March 5: Minister for Children and Equality, Audun Lysbakken, resigns after handing out money to an organization that was a bit too close to him. – Well, this happens all the time in Norway, it’s just that he was caught at it.
March 10: The same Audun Lysbakken is elected new leader of the Socialist Left Party – The Socialist Left Party being themselves.
March 19: The Norwegian population passes five million – except the government deported 450 children for the horrific crime of being born to parents who were here illegally. So I guess we didn’t pass five million that day after all.
March 20: Foreign Minister Jonas Gahr Støre is caught handing out money to people he shouldn’t be handing out money to – did the entire government suddenly forget how to hide these things or something?!?
March 22: The Socialist Left Party plays musical chairs in government. – Nobody noticed.
March 26: Mullah Krekar (we call him that because his actual name is impossible to pronounce) is sentenced to five years in jail for threatening to murder a bunch of people. – He would later return for his 24769860th round in the Norwegian court system.
March 29: Mayor of Vågå, Rune Øygard, is charged with molesting an underaged girl – Turns out there are a lot of lonely middle-aged male politicians out there.