News of the Year Part II

April 10: Psychiatrists Aspaas and Tørrissen conclude that Anders Behring Breivik is sane and accountable for his actions – and there was much rejoicing.

April 16: The court case against Anders Behring Breivik begins – Teachers around the country facepalm.

April 16-June 22: Breivik proves that he is completely and utterly out of touch with the world.

April 23: Former Member of Parliament Magnus Stangeland is acquitted for some creative bookkeeping in connection with his pensions – Mostly because the rest of Parliament was doing the same thing at the time and there aren’t that many jail cells available.

April 26: Breivik claims that “Barn av regnbuen”, a Norwegian children’s song, is part of the Marxist indoctrination in the school system. On April 26,an absolutely massive amount of people appear in the rain at Youngstorget in Oslo to sing the song so it can be heard in the court house – though not 40 000, like the Oslo police originally claimed. In political circles it is well known that Norwegian police officers are incapable of counting crowds.

April 30: Swimmer Alexander Dale Oen dies after a heart attack in Flagstaff, Arizona. The whole country is confused and startled. – as was the author.

May 7: Foreign Minister Jonas Gahr Støre takes a roasting from the opposition for some inappropriate payments, however the opposition chooses not to pursue the case – and then they all went out to have a cup of coffee together.

May 10: War hero Gunnar “Kjakan” Sønsteby dies at the age of 94 – and he probably wanted to be at work.

May 14: After leaving his brother’s apartment in the Bislett neighborhood of Oslo two days earlier, footballer Tor Marius Gromstad is found dead at a construction site. – Rest in peace. You were always an underrated player and amazingly hard worker.

May 24: 25 000 public sector employees go on strike. Most people end up being annoyed at both parties. – and as usual, the author’s school was not on the list.

June 1: 1 800 security guards go on strike and Norwegian airports grind to a halt. – A French tourist in Oslo was reported to have said “This is a strike?”

June 7 and 8: Aforementioned strikes end. – it should be mentioned that the public sector unions decided to send the least negotiable guy they could find to the negotiation table. Thus they ended up getting nothing more than the government offered in the first place. Nice one.

June 11: All parties in Parliament, except the Progress Party, agree to a new Climate Change Policy – “For the next five years, we shall continue to say that climate change is bad!”

June 16: Aung San Suu Kyi finally gets to receive her Nobel Peace Prize in Norway. – And then everyone wondered “Will she be let back into Burma again?”

June 18: The Center Party plays musical chairs in government – this is slightly more noticed than the previous round of musical chairs, as one of the departing members has been called the worst Minister of Transport in living memory.

June 21: In the Breivik case, the prosecution demands that he be sentenced to a mental institution, secondarily 21 years in jail – Which, by the way, is Norwegian legalese for “He’ll be behind bars until he’s stuck in the grave”

June 27: Painter Odd Nerdrum is sentenced to two years and ten months in jail for tax evasion – Irish readers may recognize the quote “What can I say? I was never any good with figures!”


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